I’ve been fighting a quiet battle with myself over social media for years. It started when I launched my first online business in my early 20’s. Social media wasn’t as big but it was quickly becoming an essential part of marketing. At first it seemed amazing. It gave me an opportunity to connect with my customer base on a more personal level.

Over time, I began feeling exhausted by it. There were so many platforms and there was so much to keep up with. Worst of all, I felt like a phony because, let’s be honest, I was trying to sell something. I’m still trying to sell something. Yep, I want you to buy my book.

Here’s where it gets complicated. Do I want you to buy my book because that’s how I make some of my living? Of course! We all need money and some of us make money by selling things. But that’s not the only reason I want you to buy my book.

I am a storyteller before I am a marketer. It’s a rather unfortunate trait when looking at my bills versus my bank account. I want you to buy my book and enjoy it much more than I want you to buy my book and pay me. I want to hear that you stayed up all night to finish the last three chapters. I want to know that my writing touched some deep part of you, that it fulfilled some unnamed longing.

I write not because I want to make money but because I want to tell stories that make people feel.

I think a lot of authors start with passion and consider making an income as a cool side effect of sharing their work. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple, especially if you’re an indie author.

You write a book (or plan to). What’s next? You create an Instagram account. Every author needs an online presence in this day and age. “Easy,” you think. “I’ll take a few pictures, type up a few words, and voila. Success and a great audience will fall in my lap. After all, I’m charming and fascinating and people will be interested just because I’m being myself and myself is cool.”

OK, maybe you didn’t start with that much confidence. I know I didn’t. The point still stands, a lot of us begin thinking that the key to success is authenticity. It’s the big buzzword right now. People want more authenticity. They aren’t seeking fake people with fake lifestyles who take fake pictures. They want the grit.

Or at least, they think they do. The struggle with social media is that people think they want authentic. What they really want is 20% authenticity and 80% glamour. They want you to write something genius on every post and take eye-catching photos with professional level quality. And they want that to be real. They want that to be you.

As if you wake up every morning and just casually snap a picture of your beautiful, blemish-free face and your perfectly styled hair while reading the first book you grabbed off your nightstand.

If you’re a creative type, which I think most people are, this gets to be exhausting. You already pour so much of your heart into your work and now your social media marketing strategy needs to be its own art?

There are a few solutions to this struggle. The first and my personal favorite is to just stop giving a hooey. You are being authentic when you are being authentic. Not when you’re pretending to be authentic, not when you’re sharing your life at its prettiest.

Let’s be real though. This won’t win you any friends. This might not win you anything except a few weird DMs from fake accounts looking for love and, if you’re lucky, a comment from your mother (hi mom!).

So that brings us to the second solution. Clearly define what is authentic to you. Is it sharing beautiful photos of what you’re working on? Is it writing some brilliant caption that details your feelings? Make note of that and when the authenticity is flowing, capture it. Share it. And when it’s not? Clearly define what feels dishonest to you. If you’re sharing something that’s strictly marketing, that’s trying to sell something, does it feel icky?

Sidenote: Does it feel icky because you’re struggling with your self-worth and you don’t think your work is worth anything? OK, glad we cleared that up. Take that feeling and throw it in the garbage.

Back to the original topic. Does it feel inauthentic because you’re being slimy? No? Then it is authentic. You are authentically trying to make a living and sometimes that means marketing. There will always be that one person that comments on all of your pictures and calls you a sellout. That’s usually the same person that gets mad because you won’t give them something for free.

Here’s the truth: Most people won’t care that you’re trying to sell something and not strictly sharing the rawest parts of your heart. Most people won’t even give it a second glance.

I think social media is so exhausting for the creative types because it makes you feel like you always have to be on. This is particularly painful as a writer when you feel the need to make every caption into eloquent sales copy that highlights your amazing skills. The unfortunate side effect of this is that social media ends up stealing so much of our creative time. I cannot tell you how many hours I have spent trying to cultivate my Instagram image when I should be writing the sequel to Hunter’s Moon.

It’s OK to step away from social media. Yes, there are algorithms that will punish you for not posting enough or not doing this or that or the other thing. They don’t matter if you lose the drive to work on the project that led you to create social media accounts in the first place.

I know I already said it but just to drill into your head, it’s also OK to market yourself. You have something really amazing to share with the world and no one is going to know what you’re sharing if you don’t put in the work to market yourself. Sell me something! And you don’t have to do it by writing a beautiful essay about a touching moment from your childhood. What are you selling? Why is it good? Why do I need? Boom. You’re done.

When you do have a beautiful essay to write about your childhood, one that really flows from your heart so easily and joyfully, share that too. Just don’t get hung up on being perfect. Otherwise, social media will eat your creativity alive.